downward spiral

It really disappoints me that Barack Obama  has stooped to the low level of McCain in terms of opponent bashing – allthough I do understand the motivation and the sad fact that he probably has to do this.

What really insults me is the fact the McCain, who I used to at least respect as an individual, has apparently ditched all of his moral standards just to win.

I’m sick of this whole thing being about winning and not at all about what’s good for the country.

Are we really still that stupid and petty as a nation that all we care about is who is carrying the biggest stick?

When I was in high school, I remember a history teacher talking about the bell curve and civilization — that all countries throughout history have shown the same rate of decline as they did of acceleration.  At that time, the teacher thought that we were at the peak of curve and probably not too far from beginning the decline.

Sadly, I’m really starting to think he might have been right.

I guess we’ll know in November…..

 

Republican or Democrat – Crass or Class?

I am sick beyond description of the deceptive, manipulative, insulting and flat-out lying coming from the Republican side of the presidential race this year.  Granting, slash and burn and politics has been the Republican way for a good number of elections now and it has typically worked, but this year it bothers me evn more than usual.

This is not a game people!  This election is far, far too important to our nation to turn it into the kind of idiocy that’s being done.  And what concerns me is how many people are actually buying it!

Are we such a crass and fear-driven nation that simply waving a flag is all we need to be convinced?  Have we become that simplistic and “sound bite driven” that this is all we think we need to know?

It saddens me immensely that we have a candidate (whether or not you agree with him) who is willing to speak respectfully and acknowledge and honor different views as he presents his own.  He has immense style and grace – something we haven’t seen in a long, long itme.  But he’s being turned into a cartoon character.

It disgusts me that the Repulican party actually turned his popularity into a bad thing by doing the whole “rock star” insanity.  Tell me how it’s a bad thing that the rest of the world thinks he’s a person who brings hope and excitement to the world – not just to our nation.  And this is BAD????????

And then there’s the whole Sarah Palin thing — bluntly, it makes me want to throw up.

If the Republicans pull this off, it tells me that we have become a nation that I’m not at all sure I want to be part of any more.  It would mean that darkness and fear has settled onto us – and that is definitely not the America that I believe in.

 

Republican Insanity

The more I watch the ridiculous spectacle of the Republican convention, the more disgusted I become.  First of all, the choice of Sarah Palin (could easily be “Putin” — they have a lot in common) is really an insult to every woman’s intelligence.  And it’s so clearly pandering — trying to appease both those of us who happen to have vaginas and right-wing conservatives.  What idiocy!

As Fred Thompson said during his convention speech – she’s the only candidate who can field dress a moose.  That’s clearly something we need in a potential president – especially one with the largest military force and involved in the most remote parts of the world.  (On the other other hand, if the republicans actually pull this off this time, we might all wind up living in the woods soon and needing to know how to field dress a moose!)

Someone sent me an email that said that a vote for McCain/Palin would be like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.  That pretty much sums it up for me.

How stupid do they think we are???????

This really infuriates, insults, and at the same time, saddens me.  What kind of a country have we become?

If the republicans manage to win this election, I am seriously considering moving out of the country – becuase is NOT the country that I believe in.

 

Times, they are a’changin’

One of the things that’s so interesting about life (in those moments when I remember to view it as an adventure, rather than as a pain in the hindmost parts…) is how quickly a world-view can change.

I’m originally a midwestern small town kid, lived in Chicago for a long time, and then relocated to the Seattle area, where I’ve been for 20-odd years.  For the last few years, I’ve periodically thought about moving back to my roots, but never considered it seriously enough to actually do anything about it.

Then, on July 31, I was sitting at my computer (working from home) and, at the height of what is supposed to be summer, found myself looking at heavy dark clouds and wearing a light fleece shirt.  It was as if a switch flipped and I found myself thinking, “This is just wrong.  I don’t want to do this any more!”

As much as I love a lot about this area — I realized in that moment that I just can’t do the dark any more.  it’s time to move.  So … I decided to find a realtor, sent my sister out looking at houses, and suddenly I’m facing a serious possibility that I’m moving across country again really soon.  All this within about 2 weeks.

But then, that’s how I’ve tended to live my whole life.  When it’s time for a change, change absolutely everything!  That’s how I got to the Seattle area in the first place.

So, if it all comes together, I may be wintering in a place with an actual winter (not just gray and rain) for the first time in 20 years.  That will be quite a shock – but a good one, i think.  And I’ll be starting all over again – knowing no-one.  And that has both its up and down sides.

the adventure (potentially) begins!

And, as is very clear to me, this has nothing to do with a conscious decision — it’s yet another case of the unconscious driving one’s behavior and life.

Let the games begin.

 

The Habit of Guilt

I’m forever amazed by the huge percentage of women’s lives that is driven by feelings of guilt. It is such an all-pervasive emotional undercurrent for so many of us that we often don’t realize how much of our behavior is ruled by it.

It’s the “should-a, would-a, could-a” syndome. How often do we say things like: I “should” call xxx back even though I don’t want to… I need to be polite to the telemarketer even though they’re pushy and rude … I’m a loser because I “could” have done xxx and didn’t and so this is all my fault … If I “would” have been a better (lover, listener, friend, worker, etc. etc. etc) things would be better… And I feel really guilty and like a schmuck because of it.

This, of course, isn’t anything new — it’s been written about by far more experienced and knowledgeable people than me. But it’s a constant source of amazement how often and where I see it operating in myself.

For example, I have a job that involves lots of starting and stopping – busy periods followed by very light periods. And after a year of this, I still feel guilty when I’m not busy, even though it has finally dawned on me that I have little or no control over it. But the underlying guilt remains. And quietly erodes my sense of self worth and pride – even though I recognize it’s quite silly.

It’s definitely a habit – a conditioned way of thinking and being that I’ve been working to resolve for a long, long time. Even though I’m far less prone to it than I used to be, it still stuns me when I recognize how much of what I do and why I do it still happens because of it.

In watching the people around me, it’s so clear that the same is true for many others, as well. It’s one of the things that bothers me about our culture — We raise our girls in such a way that most grow up feeling guilty about even being in the world — as if there’s such a deep-seated wrongness about them that they don’t even deserve to take up space – never mind deserving to have the basic joys of life.

How did it all go so wrong?

 

Musings on Moods

It’s summer and it’s beautiful. Western Washington is incredibly lovely country and being here in the summer when it’s in the mid-70s, dry and sunny is amazing. Every summer I remember why I endure so many months of gray and rain.

And every summer, when the days become bright again, I’m reminded once again about how much of my bouts with depression are simply due to lack of light. Although I’ve learned to use full spectrum lights in the dark seasons, it is nowhere near the same as being flooded with sunlight.

It makes me wonder once again about the relationship between the body and the mind. While I completely accept and believe that the state of your thoughts reflects the state of your mind and body, I’ve also learned the hard way that changing those things isn’t so simple.

I grapple regularly with trying to understand where the balancing point is between depressive thinking that can be changed and the point at which hormones and neurotransmitters are so out of whack that medication is the only thing that helps.

After many years of trying to move out of the depression on my own, I finally spoke to a doctor about it this past winter and was stunned to find out that most people who wake up depressed in the morning have a hormonal imbalance; whereas those who become depressed during the day are often being affected by the events in their lives. What an insight that was! For me, it’s always been an issue of waking up a mess and spending the rest of my day working to improve how I feel.

So I finally went on antidepressants and was stunned at how quickly it helped.

Then the sun came out and my mood elevated, and I’ve now been able to go off the medication. I’m hoping that now I’m stable enough to be able to maintain and build on it before the darkness returns.

But, as always, it makes me wonder where the tipping point is where someone can help themselves through changing their habits and thinking patterns on their own (which has never worked consistently for me – but I know worked beautifully for so many people) and where it becomes so much of a physical issue that medication is needed.

If you’ve read this far and are interested in these things, there is a really good book on the brain called “The Brain That Changes Itself” that is a fascinating look at what they’ve figured out about how the brain works. It’s very worth reading.

 

Simple Ideas while Painting

paintg do's and don'ts

Having spent most of my life as a renter and not an owner, there are certain basic tricks about simple home updates that I’m learning. Thought I’d share them with you

1. Using spray paint with a fan on is a really BAD idea
2. Wearing shoes when spray painting is a really GOOD idea unless you want your feet to match the paint color
3. Flipping over items covered in wet paint with your bare fingers is a BAD idea
4. Keeping a dog who likes to drink anything at least 500 feet away from where you’re working is a GOOD idea

Somehow I have a feeling this list will grow and grow and grow…..

 

Energy Crisis and T Boone Pickens

I’m old enough to remember the energy crisis of the ’70s – and all of hoopla and concern about the growing use of foreign oil – our dependence on the middle east – and everybody swearing that “something must be done!” As a very young woman, I remember being grateful that I didn’t have to worry about it because I lived in Chicago and could take rapid transit inexpensively anywhere and at any time with ease.

It was exciting to hear about all of the inventions for solar power, electric cars and all sorts of other alternative energy ideas that were happening and prototypes that got developed.

Fast forward 30 years. The only thing that changed was that it got worse. Washington sat on its collective butt and refused to actually deal with any of it in any kind of meaningful way.

Enter T Boone Pickens. It fascinates me that this man, who is insanely wealthy from oil and years of corporate raiding, has stepped in and is spending lots of his own money to try to get Washington moving. His plan isn’t all that radical – it’s totally possible, but will take a commitment from Washington – which is another way of saying that if we, as citizens, don’t keep pounding the need to do something on their heads REGULARLY for YEARS, nothing will probably happen this time, either. The hoopla will die down, Washington heads will duck and cover, and nothing of meaning will change.

So – you will rarely see me proselytizing for anything — but I’d seriously encourage you to go to take a look at what Pickens is up to and sign up for his newsletter. My guess is that there will be lots of ways in the future to keep legislators reminded about this with a simple click of the mouse. If we don’t sit on them, nothing will happen this time, either

Here’s the link: www.pickensplan.com/ – you can also find it on the sidebar

 

Political Parties as Corporations

This morning I received yet another bid for donations from the local Democratic party. So far, it’s averaging about 2 calls a week. Apparently, since I attended the first and second Democratic caucus here in Washington, they’ve now decided I’m a loyal Democratic who will want to join in with them on “the party agenda.”

I explained to this sincere young worker (as I have explained to every one that has called so far) that I’m not a Democrat. I’m an independent. Just because I’m supporting Barack Obama this time around does not automatically mean that I’m going to buy into an entire platform. Some of them have seemed bewildered by this.

It bothers me immensely that the parties are much more interested in sustaining themselves than they are in discovering the will of the people.

For those who don’t live in Washington, you might find it enlightening to know that both parties are now, once again, taking the will of the people to court. First, it was to make sure that everybody registered for a particular party. Washington then passed a top-2 rule that said the top two vote-getters, no matter party they’re from, will be on the ballot.

So once again the parties, in a case of total self-interest, are taking it to court.

Never mind that people might actually WANT to vote for individuals, rather than a platform. No, no, no – the “parties” in all of their righteous goodness must preserve themselves no matter what. Even if the will of the people get over-ridden.

I’m not seeing much democracy in our democratic process lately.

Maybe I’ll move to Canada.

 

Baby pictures

I have two dogs – China and Chelsea. They are, quite simply, beautiful!

I’ve decided that dogs are the best self management training tool anyone can possibly have. They’re such wonderful mirrors of us — if I’m feeling all emotional and out of control, they both act out in their unique ways. When I’m feeling centered, grounded, and stable, they’re perfect models of good canine behavior.

Who needs therapy? Get a dog!

The Girls at Play